My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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