I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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