You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
