pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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