i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
