Texts From Last Night

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  (912): View more from Georgia

  i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar

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  (912): i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar http://tfl.nu/twn7
  Replies (23) Good night (2615) Bad night (1818)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

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  (865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it. http://tfl.nu/q5jx
  Replies (38) Good night (902) Bad night (13901)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god

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  (815): The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god http://tfl.nu/samd
  Replies (26) Good night (767) Bad night (3930)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.

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  (513): Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one. http://tfl.nu/i2d2
  Replies (14) Good night (4679) Bad night (1439)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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  (330): I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential http://tfl.nu/2wmk
  Replies (5) Good night (3146) Bad night (1034)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.

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  (405): It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you. http://tfl.nu/abkv
  Replies (15) Good night (988) Bad night (3504)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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  (575): I have a broken liver (1-575): I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us. http://tfl.nu/0hjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1276) Bad night (646)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

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  (207): I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone http://tfl.nu/crvf
  Replies (2) Good night (1015) Bad night (1246)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight

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  (253): We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight http://tfl.nu/nnba
  Replies (18) Good night (1818) Bad night (611)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?

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  (702): Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid? http://tfl.nu/2txb
  Replies (4) Good night (414) Bad night (1141)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.

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  (732): The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack. http://tfl.nu/qgyn
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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  (202): My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream. http://tfl.nu/02rn
  Replies (9) Good night (1191) Bad night (251)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room

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  (403): I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room http://tfl.nu/v5e3
  Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong

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  (202): still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong http://tfl.nu/0md7
  Replies (5) Good night (390) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.

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  (908): The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling. http://tfl.nu/4o2r
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (256)

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