I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree