I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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