Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.

Fav 5 6029 1972
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(630): View more from Illinois

He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

Fav 8 3163 1965
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(734): View more from Michigan

Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Our room will be decorated with my urine.

Fav 2 717 2057
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(817): View more from Texas

I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today

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