Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.