Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
