lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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