The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
