so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
