I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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