hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
