One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
