she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
