thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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