so that wasnt chicken after all
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ketchup is God's man juice
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
