Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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