i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
