there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
