Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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