Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
