well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
