Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
