mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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