You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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