this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
