it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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