We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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