you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
