It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
