and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
