I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
