how can u be prego again
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
