new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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