But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
