In the future we'll all be gay
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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