Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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