Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
