good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
