man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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