I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
