i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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