Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
