Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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