He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
