Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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