Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
