it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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