Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
