Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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