listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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