I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think i have two assholes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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