Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
