This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
