i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
