i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
