He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Houston, we have a blender
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
