i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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