you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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