Where is the hickey?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
