Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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