garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
